**Below was a draft written 4 yrs back and published today
A miracle has happened - within me. The miracle I read about Watchfulness. When I read it few days back, I thought I understood it. But in reality I didn't, coz I was still not 'watching'. Finally I got it last Sunday. Something that was missing in me for years. I have been watching myself this last week and know that this change is here to stay for life.
A miracle has happened - within me. The miracle I read about Watchfulness. When I read it few days back, I thought I understood it. But in reality I didn't, coz I was still not 'watching'. Finally I got it last Sunday. Something that was missing in me for years. I have been watching myself this last week and know that this change is here to stay for life.
An episode that started in Oct last year and ended few days back brought this change in me. This period has changed my entire personality because of a fear within me. I wasn't myself. Why? Instead of watching, I let the issue engulf me and this is the third time I let this happen to me in my life (of course they are all unrelated to each other).
In the past few months there have been situations I could've handled much better if I had better control on my emotions - or may be I should say, if I was 'watching' them. I hurt a dear friend of mine in the process. At the same time I do not regret any of it - I am what I am now because of this whole episode. I know my friend will appreciate me for the same. Not only have I become the person I 'was' once upon a time - but also more. I guess sometimes you need to go through the entire process - however painful it is - for the realization to happen. I lost something and gained a lot. I hope I can get back what I lost with the new 'me' or should I say 'old me'.
I was introspecting/retrospecting for the past few days and going through a huge range of emotions and I can say I feel the enlightenment within me. This morning I realized that I am at a stage where I can actually 'watch' my emotions and not let them play me. I could not only overcome the fear that caused all this, am also at a stage where I will not let anything take over me - EVER. I can see the glow within me. I cannot say I am just happy because this is more than happiness. I cannot explain, but it feels so liberating. Finally I am clutter free.
Another wonderful outcome of this whole episode is that I found couple of great friends. 'A' is an awesome person who never judged me, helped me all along by being there for me. I met her in October and now she has become one of my best friends. Another is 'R' who did not judge me either, instead gave me valuable input that got me thinking. I am really glad to have them as my best friends. There is always something good that comes out of everything I guess. :). I always believed situations define a friendship rather than the amount of time you have known a person.
I know not many people can experience this in their life time. I am so happy I went through this metamorphosis and I am good for life. Thanks to all my friends who helped me reach this stage. I love you all and I just love myself :).
