"A tribute to a friend"....
People say I am very pretty and that I look like a doll. Well, why did they compare me to a life-less doll? May be because they knew I would become life-less pretty soon? Yes, my life ended few weeks back and I was just 23. I wanted to live, but God had other plans for me.
I was adopted by my parents when I was 4 years old and since then I have become their life. It still amazes me how much they loved me. We were a middle class family. My dad was struggling financially. But he never compromised for me. He gave me everything I ever asked for. I loved music. I loved singing and was humming all the time. I had fascination for Veena and asked my father to buy me one. I was just 5 yrs old. I was actually being stubborn about it. J. My dad spent Rs 40,000 in those days to get a magnificent Tanjavur Veena. It was so pretty that I have never seen anything like that in my life so far. I still cannot believe that he spent so much money on me at that age, in his financial situation. That’s how much he loved me.
I was always treated like a princess. It amazes me to think someone could love their daughter so much. I was the apple of his eye. My dad became extremely successful in his business and by the time I was in my pre-teens he was one of the top business men in the city. He attributes all the success to me. Sounds funny ha? Well, that’s what he believes, what can I say.
I guess my state of mind, my thinking, my perspective on life – are all nurtured by my father. I was one happy child. We were one happy family. And then it comes. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 19. Doctors said I will not live for more than 6 months. My Dad was devastated. It was more painful for me to see him than my own condition. He stopped working. He was trying everything he could do to save me. But doctors said I only have 3 more months. As time passed, he was deteriorating. My mom passed away when I was 10. I told him I am not able to see him like that and I would be more happy to see him go to work than be with me. I guess he gave it a much deeper thought. He committed suicide. He could not come to terms with the fact that I will not be there after 3 months. So he ended his life ahead of me. He could not bear to see me dead.
I know what you are thinking. Instead of taking care of me, he escaped. Right? Wrong. He didn’t. We both shared such deep relationship between us that he understood I would be more happier if he wasn’t around me. Yes. You read that right. I was not able to see him in pain. Now that it has been nearly 4 years since he passed away, I can tell you it’s true (Yes, I survived 4 years after the docs said I only have 3 months left). I am able to spend more time with few friends who stuck by me and enjoy the little amount of time I have in life’s small pleasures. I couldn’t have done this watching my father going downhill. I cannot even imagine his condition watching me going through all these experiments doctors have been doing on me for the past 4 years. Yes, I donated myself to Tata for research hoping it would help future generations with this rare disease. Well, nothing was working anyway on me. I had to travel to France, Mumbai number of times for the same. I hope doctors can find a cure for this.
I can tell you, I fought hard. Very hard. I tried everything possible, everything suggested by anyone. But nothing worked. My only fear was I should not lose my voice. Sounds strange? I cannot imagine myself not being able to hum a song, not being able to talk. How can I be silent? I would tell my friends, I would rather die than lose my voice. But then I had to. I lost my voice eventually. I was in bed for nearly 4 months and finally God had mercy on me. He took me away.
Wondering how life is up here? Well, I don’t want to spoil the suspense for anyone J. You just have to wait for your turn. Until then, enjoy everyone. Life is precious.
