Who is a friend?

Lately I am getting confused with the word ‘friend’. I believe it’s a very loosely used word. I am not talking about Facebook friends :). How can you define friendship? I googled to find a definition that reflects my thoughts.

“A true friend is someone who sticks by you when you are down and celebrates with you when you are up. It is someone who understands you and appreciates the person you are.” I like the second part a lot. Being able to be what you are without being judged - that's a true friend to me.

But then do we have to stick with the word ‘friend’ for everyone who is not your enemy? So what are different types of friends? There are many types of relationships. I found these 3 in my search:

- Situational friends. You see each other regularly, have fun together, even share occasional disappointments. When you move or something changes, you don't stay in touch. Ex. : activity and location based - work, gym, clubs, etc.

- Casual friends. Meet each other once in a while, go out for lunch and dinner, catch up on the news/gossip. You like each other, appreciate the company. But are not best friends.

- Close friends. They understand the real you, help when you're in trouble and are people you can rely on. They will not betray you, they let you in their lives and care about you deeply. Such people don't come along often and such relationships are to be cherished.

Well, I don't know about these 3 categories, but I would like to take it easy and enjoy the friendship in whatever form it comes, than wait for a bad day to come and see if they are real friends or not :). Why fret :).

On that note, I must say, I am lucky to have quite a few close friends and I really cherish their presence in my life.

Pretty as a doll?

"A tribute to a friend"....

People say I am very pretty and that I look like a doll. Well, why did they compare me to a life-less doll? May be because they knew I would become life-less pretty soon? Yes, my life ended few weeks back and I was just 23. I wanted to live, but God had other plans for me.

I was adopted by my parents when I was 4 years old and since then I have become their life. It still amazes me how much they loved me. We were a middle class family. My dad was struggling financially. But he never compromised for me. He gave me everything I ever asked for. I loved music. I loved singing and was humming all the time. I had fascination for Veena and asked my father to buy me one. I was just 5 yrs old. I was actually being stubborn about it. J. My dad spent Rs 40,000 in those days to get a magnificent Tanjavur Veena. It was so pretty that I have never seen anything like that in my life so far. I still cannot believe that he spent so much money on me at that age, in his financial situation. That’s how much he loved me.

I was always treated like a princess. It amazes me to think someone could love their daughter so much. I was the apple of his eye. My dad became extremely successful in his business and by the time I was in my pre-teens he was one of the top business men in the city. He attributes all the success to me. Sounds funny ha? Well, that’s what he believes, what can I say.

I guess my state of mind, my thinking, my perspective on life – are all nurtured by my father. I was one happy child. We were one happy family. And then it comes. I was diagnosed with cancer when I was 19. Doctors said I will not live for more than 6 months. My Dad was devastated. It was more painful for me to see him than my own condition. He stopped working. He was trying everything he could do to save me. But doctors said I only have 3 more months. As time passed, he was deteriorating. My mom passed away when I was 10. I told him I am not able to see him like that and I would be more happy to see him go to work than be with me. I guess he gave it a much deeper thought. He committed suicide. He could not come to terms with the fact that I will not be there after 3 months. So he ended his life ahead of me. He could not bear to see me dead.

I know what you are thinking. Instead of taking care of me, he escaped. Right? Wrong. He didn’t. We both shared such deep relationship between us that he understood I would be more happier if he wasn’t around me. Yes. You read that right. I was not able to see him in pain. Now that it has been nearly 4 years since he passed away, I can tell you it’s true (Yes, I survived 4 years after the docs said I only have 3 months left). I am able to spend more time with few friends who stuck by me and enjoy the little amount of time I have in life’s small pleasures. I couldn’t have done this watching my father going downhill. I cannot even imagine his condition watching me going through all these experiments doctors have been doing on me for the past 4 years. Yes, I donated myself to Tata for research hoping it would help future generations with this rare disease. Well, nothing was working anyway on me. I had to travel to France, Mumbai number of times for the same. I hope doctors can find a cure for this.

I can tell you, I fought hard. Very hard. I tried everything possible, everything suggested by anyone. But nothing worked. My only fear was I should not lose my voice. Sounds strange? I cannot imagine myself not being able to hum a song, not being able to talk. How can I be silent? I would tell my friends, I would rather die than lose my voice. But then I had to. I lost my voice eventually. I was in bed for nearly 4 months and finally God had mercy on me. He took me away.

Wondering how life is up here? Well, I don’t want to spoil the suspense for anyone J. You just have to wait for your turn. Until then, enjoy everyone. Life is precious.

**a tribute to a friend who passed away recently. I was fascinated by the relationship she shared with her father. Hearing all her childhood stories was always a pleasure. There is much more to her than what is written here. A strong personality with a very different perspective on life at such a young age. May be I can share these at some other time **

Why don't we live?

Why are we so concerned about death and not living? Why are we dying and not living? Old people are near the grave and young ones are not far behind.

Do you think a bird lives in fear of dying? No. It is too much occupied with living, with catching insects, building a nest, singing a song, flying for the very joy of flying. Watch a bird flying endlessly enjoying the wind. They seem to enjoy themselves. Then why are we so preoccoupied with death?

Because we are afraid to lose the known, the things we gathered. We are afraid to lose a spouse, a child, a friend, we are afraid to lose what we have learnt, accumulated. If only we can carry all those with us beyond death, we are not afraid right?

But death is an ending and most of us are unwilling to face this fact.

If only we can live moment to moment and concerned about the future. If only we can live without the thought of tomorrow, let go the whole process of known, you will find that an astonishing thing takes place. Just go with the flow and enjoy your life.

Try it for a day. Don't carry your worries from day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment. Let them all go and you will see that out of all this comes an extraordinary life that includes both living and dying.

** Inspired by JK

My life after - x years.

It might sound crazy to some of you. But this is what I want to do in few years time.

I want to go back to India, build a small house in a village. Why a small house? I think we should only have what we need. My house will be very eco-friendly. It will be made of mud and straws. No refrigerator for sure.

I hope my back will be ok at that time. I want to sleep on Nulaka mancham (http://chitraalu.wordpress.com/2009/03/20/ఇది-వెయ్యకుండా-వుండలేకపో/).

Grow my own vegetables. Of course has to be organic farming. Spread the word about environment, organic farming etc to my neighbors.

I just cannot wait for that experience. I have asked my brother to recreate this in the next couple of years on his farm so that I can enjoy it during my visits to India.

When I was a kid, we would go to my aunt’s place near Bhadrachalam. Those were one of the best days. The village is Charla. Lots of flowers, fruits. I would decorate my hair with every possible flower I can find. My grandmother would braid my hair with these. There were custard apple trees, mango trees (banginapalli), amla, sapota, oranges etc etc. So no matter what season you go, you will have something to enjoy. It was such an amazing place. We would go to the farms and bring home chilies, onions, and others. Watching the fields spread with red chilies is something you have to see for yourself.

Well, once it’s ready, you are more than welcome to come to my place J. I am very sure you will enjoy it.

Life is like a roller-coaster, never lose hope

I always believed 'Life is like a river'. You encounter some rocks, you pass them and you have these waves, but you never stop.

Well, I guess personal experiences make you realize the importance of 'moving on' with your life. Karambir believes 'Life is like a roller-coaster, never lose hope'. Wanted to share this inspiring story.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Lifes-a-roller-coaster-never-lose-hope/articleshow/5224672.cms

God always had better plans for me

"Why does this happen to me?" Have you ever thought that way? Well, some of you are really lucky to not have to ever think that way in your life. But some are not. If you are lucky, may be you don't have to read this.

I was just watching Hrithik Roshan's interview who overcame his problems of stuttering and scoliosis and went on to become a successful actor. His statement that I liked a lot - "I did not become an actor in spite of my problems. I became an actor because of my problems. I believe all the people who are going through a handicap or some problem - there is a reason for that. God is preparing them for something big.".

Well, I always believed this. Some people might not think it's fair to face the tough situations they faced in life while others are happily enjoying their lives with so called routine issues (well, what is routine and what is not, is another discussion as it depends on the perception). But then, as long as you can enjoy the ride and see what good came out of it to make you a better person to bring better things in your life, may be you will see that it's not bad after all.

Experience your life and enjoy it no matter what. Respect your past no matter what it is. It is yours after all. Remember, God always has better plans for you. If you don't believe in God, you can interpret anyway you wish, but enjoy your life the way it comes.

Do you really love someone or is it just dependancy

"Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other." - Scott Peck

I was watching a movie yesterday - Dhoop. I will not get into the story as such, but one scene from the movie reminded me of so many similar ones from other movies and may be from real life (media) as well. 'Rohit' is engaged to 'Pihu' and he dies in a war. Her parents want her to get married to someone else. And she tells them she is Rohit's widow and will never get married again.

I don't understand what message they are trying to convey. Mourning is needed. But not at the cost of your own life. Does your life end because someone died? Didn't God give you a life believing you as an individual? Did (S)He have any intentions of seeing you grow as a dependant on someone else and end your life when theirs ends? Why don't people show how to "live" a life? 

I like what Scott Peck says in his 'The Road less travelled' to a woman who wants to die because her husband has died - "what you describe is parasitism, not love. When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom in your realtionship. It is a matter of necessity than love. " 

Why do our movies highlight "sacrificing" one's life for someone else as something noble? Can't people take care of their own lives? Why don't we think of "educating" our own on how to lead their lives rather than making them our dependants? Yes, you need to support your family, but again, isn't it necessary to draw a line somewhere so as to make them independant? Seems like these movies show it as a pleasurable experience to sacrifice yourself for someone else.

Well, I am sure most of you may not agree with this, but I hope one day you realize the value in it and educate your kids the value of "life".